The Near Abyss
by Patrick Autréaux
“Being seriously ill completely upended me. But this compromise in my beliefs seemed solid. I couldn’t see clearly that I had replaced God, and the swell of questions the word engendered, with another ideal. And even if I hadn’t yet written a single book, I had no idea of just how much this substitute had stabilized me. Port-Royal, through which I passed every week for treatment, was its symbol. Its name carried with it those of the great writers, who had become, for me, kinds of saints. It was also a place of big words — grace and predetermination, anguish and salvation — all of which led to a further question: What standing did I have there? Could I, one day, succeed in writing? And could I write at least one book that attained that ideal of conflating writing and sainthood? These were my obsession as a patient; they were those of a convalescent. Just like that, I began seriously to reconsider literature through the experience of my illness; other questions piled on the metaphysical ones, mixing with them, gently transposing my beliefs and expectations, creating for me a Heaven that retained nothing of the old faith but was instead filled with uncompromising authors and literary demands …”
My translation of Patrick Autréaux’s essay ‘The Near Abyss’ is now up at The Kenyon Review, accompanied by an audio recording by Patrick Harrison. It first appeared in Revue Esprit, 2023.
Read/Listen to the essay here.
Patrick Autréaux is a French writer, living between Paris and Cambridge (USA). The view of illness as an inner experience informs his first cycle of writing, ending with Se survivre (Verdier). He is the author of dozens of books and articles in French. His novels L’Epoux and Avenue des Amériques are published by Gallimard.
His fiction and essays have appeared in Asymptote, TOLKA, 3:AM Magazine, The Kenyon Review (forthcoming, Winter 2026) and elsewhere.
Patrick Harrison is a writer, performer, and educator. He is the co-screenwriter of The Havana Syndrome, a forthcoming feature film directed by Zachary Epcar, developed at the 2023 Venice Biennale College Cinema. His critical writing has appeared in BOMB, Millennium Film Journal, Artforum, N+1, and The New Inquiry.
Born and raised in Knoxville, Tennessee, he lives between the San Francisco Bay Area and New York City. website: www.patrickharrisonvoice.com